jactey

Success Vs Choices

2007-01-15T02:45:00.000-08:00

After lecture my little student during tuition for an hour, somehow I come into enlightenment of my meanings in life.

Everyone of us is born without a choice. As we ages, we expend our abilities to generate more choices. We study well, we have the choice to enter into the course we wanted. Success is a measured by the ability to generate choices.

We are content because we are satisfied with the choices that we can select from.

Well, there exists people who has minimum of no choice throughout their life. In every stage of their life, they are forced to choose or do things that they are not willing to.

Fortunately, we do have the ability to generate choices. Making the right choices, allows us to generate more choices.

Therefore, do not blame people for not having a choice. BLAME YOURSELF.

Huray!

2006-04-27T08:34:00.000-07:00

Huray exam finally ended. The last few papers were truly torturing... Idoitic ... why they like to spread the exam paper in such a long period? haz... Went for buffet dinner today and I am so full now! lol... Quite a fun day.. But feel so slpy after ate lotsa of food.

Found a nice song... "control myself" lol.. I like the song, especially the rap part.. The feel is so great.. the guy really express the feeling well. And ... control myself.. haha.. I need it too. haha.. and i believe I had done well man~ Right? hahahahhahha~

Attachment going to start soon. Perhap i will have more time to blog le.. Just like the reason why i started to blog. Cuz, it is simply to boring during work. Hope i dun have to "waste" my time by blogging. heez... Have 10 days to buy my clothings, haha.. Yeah!!!! By sadly, i have to make up all the tuition that i cancelled. In a way is sian, but at least i have something to do during the 10 days, else surely very bore.

Just when i wanted to go back BNSS for BB and Mac is not around! WHY???? When i am free and he is not around... Then who else can accompany to visit my BB!!? Wanted to see how "disastrous" it is now. Well, according to Mac, BB managed to recruit more people, however, I think it is an illusion. Ha~ Come on.. what is quantity without quality. Ha~ Which badge can be as good as uS? 75% express student, 25% head prefect? Haaz..... Mac agree? lol...

Ok.. time to stop that lame crap. Sayonara!~

Realization

2006-04-22T06:46:00.000-07:00

Today is a special day that I should rmb... I come to realize that i have done something truly bad and have communicate the wrong message to my friends. My friends... please erase that part of words that i had mentioned.

And... i feel truly sorry for discredit someone to such extent. May everything happens in the future be good... Look forward and move on... I hope we can all do that... Really~ Angel will protect all of us.

Come to understand that I am again in moral dilemma.. ha~ Sometime is really hard to keep your promise... Haiz... The worst thing in life is... things are just in front of you but... hahaha! Perhaps that what most people has to face to grow.. A stage in our life... Some saying that I ignored and discredited in the past are somehow true ... I cant bear to leave but I have too.... is it the best and the wisest choice. Nothing to feel bad: To you... Is it just a way for me to grow.

Shit... I think I cant .... At lost.... no one's fault... why can I be cool? LOL.... Laughing at myself now... Falling deeper? I guess Yes... Determination to move on? Strengthen... What i am talking about? I dunno.... Hahahaz....Searching Around? Definitely Yes.... and don't avoid.... dont want to lose you as a friend...

Regards, Many loves... Last time I shall say this word... Loving you, and change to CHerish you.. Hahaz...

I guess this is a pretty a "chim" blog.... for those who have question... sorry wun be entertained.. Ha~ Too bad.....!!!!!

Dream

2006-02-26T08:07:00.000-08:00

Lesson resumes again...! I DUN WANT!... I WANT BREAK!!.. I just hate school nowadays. The readings are never ending! I miss the old days in BNSS... All the works are requires no/little brain works. You can play for the whole year, and only study at the end of the year, still can manage to do it reasonable well. Haiz.. but now? Even with such amount of effort put in, I can hardly understand anything!! WHY??? Anyway.. still gotta to accept the fact.. Let's face it... TML is beginning of the suffering! 5 more weeks to go!

Lol... I made a rather interesting dream this morning. Was sitting around a table withKaren, and one of the sevens (Cant rmb who)! Karen was reading her notes.. I think she was back from England will be going back soon. Then, Shujun come over and sit down. She asked Karen some question which is quite stupid.. Cant rmb. lol.. Then I said, Ya.. you are right, Karen came back for a day and is going to fly back to UK. Lol.. and she believed! So i say... Kao! You Dreaming ah? And I was quite sure that she was dreaming. And.. I wake up from my dream. Lol.. Ironically, I am the one that was dreaming. Lolz.... What a ... Interesting dream lez... lOl.. hope you all will understand the feeling when u wake up from dream after u tell pple STOP DREAMING~!!!

Thursday

2006-02-23T07:20:00.000-08:00

Lol.. i am writing my blog again. Get the hang of it this few days. Don't ask me the reason, cause I am not sure of it too. Today was quite a good day except the tuition session. The same reason again, I simply hate pple who don't think before he say dunno how to do. I complained to my friend, and he said, just earn the money dude... Don't really want to agree with him, but I know nothing i can do to change his attitude.. Perhap, I should suggest to his mum to change the tutor. Ha.... Should I be so stupid? eh.... should go and think about it...ha

Continues from yesterday, I understand that I simply cant hate. I feel awful to hate and is always better to learn to understand and forgive. Understand that faults and misunderstanding takes 2 hands to clap... I finally know that is time to stop reminiscing about the past. Think about ways to "facilitates" fair exchange isnt the right way. Because there is always chance of you being the root cause. Always be reflective, sometimes fault arise within you.

2006-02-22T01:44:00.000-08:00

Spent the day at home, went to KFC for lunch and did some readings there. Lol.. what a contradict to the orginal plan that I had made. Time to break away from the queries. Somehow, I must conclude that I am the last in the list. There should be time when you should listen to friend's advices....

Reluctant to make myself think along that line, but all the facts point into that direction. Perhap, is time I open my mouth and question. But, who the hell ask those questions? Yet again, if I don't question, how will I know? Deduce cant yield a certain answer. It is full of doubt to question about later... then... Self-confirmation bias sets in to alter your orgination conclusion. Haiz, that how fragile a human is~ how indecision one can be.... Alrite.. Let's fuck it.. heck it ... Life goes on...

Time to organize my life again? The path ahead may not be smooth, but certainly better than the past. Sometime, one has to let go something for something else... Understanding that nothing is perfect is a virtue. I am better with certainty stuffs... something is controllable, proportional. Let's study hard, and have my full attention put in making present money and future money. Things that has nothing got to do with that should not cross my mind from now on. I think is pretty hard... But lets try... ..

Tml is better! lol.. cause i will be going for tuition! Money making session!!!!

Determination & Perserverence

2006-02-20T02:57:00.000-08:00

Just come back from tuition. I wonder why the new generation give up one a simple math question so easy! I think the MOE should start changing their moral education syllabus! They should have include many many many stories about determination and perseverence. Perhap with that, the younger generation will know what is call perserverence!!! If you arent going to help yourself, who will????

And, the fucking primary school please stop spoon feeding the kids! Let them think!!!!! Feed and feed and feed... and that kids just refuse to think~ and wait for answer to be given. WTF attitude is that.... Come on... world doesnt works like that!

Spent 1 hour on a single question today. I refused to give any answer to him. Not even a hint.... And yes... he continues to wait for answer. I hardly see much effort was put in to solve the question... even though he insisted he did!.... Come on, parent... time to tell your children about self-reliance... Why doesnt the government instill this thinking in them!... Longer school hours I see... and more time for spoon feeding? Crap.. system.

Losing confidence

2006-02-19T04:18:00.000-08:00

Recently, confidence level has been dropping. If you will like to ask me why, i also have no idea. Getting less and less sure about myself... I start to see no special of me in anyway or should i say no strength that worth to be mentioned about. Academic, non-academic, characters, personalities and outlooks, none of these will make me special or good.

Then, come the event that hit me really hard. I cant believe that I made such a lousy presentation despite going through so many presentations in the past. It is the worst ever i had in my whole life. After some reflection, I finally conclude that sometimes you just have to take somethings easy. Being heck-care maybe good sometimes. Haiz....

Bday Celebration, My weekend

2005-08-28T21:47:00.000-07:00

Had a slackest weekend ever since school starts.. haha, cuz i told myself that it is my bday and i shd just pampered myself! But, i am sicked! haha, wtf to be sicked at your bday. Haiz... but anyway i still have some fun and i slpt alot alot alot... haha

Skipping school on friday, the actual day of my bday, den sleep until 1 in the afternoon, went out to meet GR,WY,Lena, Joc, hmm, have lotsa of fun taking photos.. hmm, if i am not sick, maybe i will be extremely hyper too... haha but too bad... After that, had steamboat at home with the 7s and GR they all, haha, so weird to have 2 groups, but still have fun. And i must say thanks TO the 7s, they had helped me alot... haha... Thanks for the steamboat and for not saboing... Before that i was so regret, fearing that i will be sabo! haha, everyone grown up, and this kind of childish but fun game is finally abolished! haha.. so fortunate...

Saturday is another great day, again we meet for dinner... Karen, and Danielle! haha.. Den meet all the 7s again. That nite was really sicked... Feeling very tire.. but still quite fun. SJ say i kips saying that is not my bday, haha.. that doesnt mean i dun appreciate K, actually i apprecitaed everything. Just that i am veri tire, and... it is quite an good excuse to stop you all from asking me to think of places to go! I really cant think of a nice place to go... haha.. so we end up at east coast, thinking that we mite be able to see 2 moons?... eh, end up me and eddie was slping ...haha. Eddie is super tire, slpt all the way in the cab... Think Elieen was right... wtf are we guys doing at east coast where everyone is so tired!... hmmm... weird pples....

Sunday is a relaxing day for me, do my project with my group mate.. den ROT!!!!.... so fun to rot... but after that i sure have lotsa of catching up to do... haiz... Still sick on sunday...

And now is monday, still receive some belated bday wishes..haha... that is really late... and i still waiting for pple to msg...haha i bet they are surely someone who wishes another person after a few day.. i know cuz i am also one of them! hahaha.. OPS...

K, time to go for tuition... BBz..

Update of the few weeks...

2005-08-17T09:58:00.000-07:00

Is 1a.m. in the morning now! I am now quite bore, has nothing much to do, just finished studying Company Law. lol.. recently I had become a mugger, thanks to Mac.. haha.. borrowing my FT disc is quite a good option to ensure I start doing my work. Oh ya, and today, I am refering to Wednesday, is the 1 week anniversary of me not playing FT.... haha.. basically I had been playing FT everyday since I bought, except when I was not at home.

Recently, I keep wanting to eat supper!... My appetite is getting bigger, this may be a good thing... I need to build up my size... too Skinny hard to buy clothings! hahahaa... what lame excuse is that.. haha.. Now is listening to Yes 933, and the DJ is interviewing the Superstar Contestants.... and So sad, I miss the SuperStar on Wednesday....

Oh ya, I was embrassed just now... Ha... I was running across the traffic light junctions, the green man is blinking!!... WhenIi ran halfway, my slipper drops out, and I was running on bare foot, only realised after I made a few more step and was almost reaching the otherside of the road. Sianz, the embrassed me had to run back to get the slipper and everyone was looking!.. So Paiseh...... THis is still Ok.... Before I drops my slipper, I was almost knocked down by a Car... I was coming out from the bus, and was stoning and walking. I almost cross the road without looking out at the traffic. Fortunately I was waken up by the light shined on me... Lucky lucky...
Was wondering what will happen and my friend's reaction will be if see me knocked down by the car? haz... stupid question to ask...

These few weeks were really "happenings"... I began to question myself... Am I doing the right things? Does the world works like this? How does the world really works? Is it a norm or that is just the only special case that existed? I began to question the world that I understand... and question the "rules" that I always believe to be true... And now, I am really afraid... Really scare and really don't dare to try anymore... haiz... Perhaps need sometime to reset my thinking.... ha.. think I am quite naive too! Never judge a person by his look... I am not that complicated and mature as what most of you all think...

Heck care, Now I think the most important thing is to Study as hard as possible, and do whatever I wanted to do, regardless of what others think.... So tiring and stressful to consider and take care of other's feelings and views... Now what I want to do is to save money for the Europe Trip after i graduated... Take up all the fun GE that I like... Maybe I will FYP as well eventhought I will have to overload it... Heck.. I shall just try to do it....

K, time to stop now, my stomach is groaning! ah... i am so hungry.... Nvm, I shall sleep now, need to wake up early tml! haha.. eating breakfast at Ah Kum!.. Cant be late, else i think I will be Imurdered! Wow, I spend 30 mins for this post... haha... and if you do realise.. I checked my grammar! This is because I think is time to practise some written skills, else I think I will fail my modules. haha... Although there are some instant where i heck care of.. afterall, this is a blog.. it is not suppose to be formal or grammatically correct!... hahaz...

K, nite everyone... Have a nice weekend

Back from camp

2005-07-17T05:49:00.000-07:00

Finally come back from camp. These six days were really tiring~ Sleep at 3 or 4 and wake up at 7 or 8. First time attending such tiring camp. The camp was fun, the freshies are fun-loving. heez, my group got the best OG... so happy. We played alot of lame stuff, sometime, we even create a new station to play. THe only bad thing about this camp was the waiting time.. Sometime, we are required to wait for hours just to play one game... This is terrible, but.. haha.. we entertain ourself well.

Got injured during the camp too.. My kneel is gross now... eeeee..... I also having fun acting as freshies... it was not as easy as i tot to be. Heez, gotta to mix around with every single one of the freshies to take care of everyone well, not making them suspicious... quite hard. End up i got injured and they took care of me.. hahaz... so "Shi Bai"

Got back home on sat after about 2. Luckily it is near tampines... Else it will damn tiring.. Sad to say tat none of my group member living in the east. Else, i can go school with them in the future.. Sianz..... Through out the camp, tot they many will msg me, haha.. den i got no msg, just calls.... but dunno where the calls are from, quite lazy to reply too.. heez...

Oh ya, i am tanner now... hahaz... so nice.. i lk tan... must go sentosa more.. think i shd break away from computer and ft.. they are so unhealty...hahaz... KK... stop here..watching tv lorz

Going to camp soon

2005-07-10T01:12:00.000-07:00

Heez, finally i feel like writing blog again. Long time din update the blog lez.. Just come back from malaysia on thursday, ha.. been eating slping eating slping in malaysia. Really very relax, but a bit boring. Very funny feeling tot.. Sort of like it, but also quite sian about the life dere. Hahaz.. Contradiction.

Going to Camp tml, quite excited about it.. heez.. going to be freshie~ hahaz... Dun know i can manage it or not. Haven pack the stuff yet.. There are so many stuff to do.. ahhh.... And so many things to bring.

Sianz.. nothing to write le... hahaz.. BBz.....

Finally back

2005-06-30T06:30:00.000-07:00

The camp finally finished, have some fun but not alot of fun. It is hard to mix into groups that are already friend before the camp. I had really a hard time mixing into the groups. First time i dunno who to shoot with waterbomb!! wtf rite? If is last time, i think i will be the one being targeted! hahahaahz......

After 2 days of camp, now my whole body aching... and the sun burn ~ First time has such a serious sun burn. Maybe i am too white ~ Reach home at about 6, den meet mac and yuan zhang for dinner, den lolz.. they play ft i slp. I wake up at 3! slpt for about 20 hours i thinks.. lol pig man!

Omg, the sun burn so pain! so hard to apply for my back. Who can help me apply!!!! lolz.. bet no one baz.. better go apply myself... Kelian de Jac...

Lol, watching ah fu now..haha... think next time i can go oversea to look for wife also.. haha.. all of them get from oversea... like buy goods lidat.... So insulting to the people... i dun think love can buy one lorz... even if they are together, will they get happiness? Question to think about.. ha!~

k, time to end.... BB..... watching tv lorz~

Update made... Finally

2005-06-26T10:59:00.000-07:00

These few days were fun for me. Friday meeting Pear, Saturday went out with So many pple, and Sunday rot at home, lolz.. so cool. Visit Lin Chong and watch Initial D on Sat nite. 13 pple went to watch the same movie, it has been a long time since i go out with so many pple together. And the most amazing thing is, all of us are so close, you can easily talk to everyone dere. Normally going in such a large group, pple tend to form small groups, and most of the time, pple in such a large group dunno everyone very well. But yet we overcome this~ Amazing rite, everyone talk in small groups, but it is inevitable, dun expect pple to shout across the long table rite? lolz

After watching Initial D, i was abit frastrated, dunno why. Mood Swing perhaps.~ lolz.. always happen to me. Sometime i will just feel something wrong with heart. Feel like punching pple, feel like kaobeing.. haha.. Maybe i under stress for too long, stress den accumulate den realease on and off. But anyway, normally i can control it, haaha.. just breath in and out.. haha.. and have a long hu........ den i will be alrite. It may also be the show, the ger was so kelian, it make me think alot. Too much thinking hurts a person too~ heez

Oh ya, i was force to drink by Yuan ZHang~ WTF, he say he want to vomit like Edwin... lolz.. No choice, i have a cup of drink with him. And he is really crazy, pour almost half of the cup with vorka... Well i am abit less bastard, i pour about 2/6 of the cup. Hahaz.. den he drink abit with Jiahui. lol... den after a while, he complaint tat he wanted to vomit~ and dun drink anymore, waste my drink siaz.. pour le dun drink. Dun understand why he wanna to vomit, it is so terrible, there arent any special occassion as well.. why must make himself suffer. LOL.. he did suffer.. i think he slp at the toilet door for quite a while. HAHA.. YuanZhang.. i dun think u will want to drink lidat again ba~ it is so buShuang... Din know Jiahui is quite a good drinker, he can still play Ft after a few cups ( dun really know how much they pour, but i think not little, cuz morning i think half of the bottle gone, ha..) Must buy again le... need the stock again. haha... $$$ flying again.. Anw they leave in the next morning

Sunday was a relax day. Did abit of notes for the sec 2 science student that i have. I have almost forget all about sec 2 science, even chapter 11 and 12. Haha.... gotta to refresh again. Without practice, it is always hard to remeber stuffs.. All the name for our digestion system sound so unfamilar to me.~ I spend almost 1 1/2 hours on the note, i am shock that a chapter needs so much time. Maybe is becuz "i have been diverted".. haha... cuz multi-task, was crapping with pear here and there. Haz... oh ya, i was shock of her free hand drawing skill and photoshop skills. Think i will nv acquire such skills... Colour Blind.. i cant differential between green and yellow~ Sianz.....

And now, is 2.34 a.m. in the morning, monday morning... hahaz... i am feeling hungry.. and eileen too~ she complaint over at mSn.. hahaz.. too bad, my car is not here.. else i will definitely went out to eat... ah~~~~ gulugulugulu.. cant stop... lolz.. think i shd stop here is getting too long.. time to write another entry.. ha.. if my mood still good after this...

Boring

2005-06-21T11:26:00.000-07:00

Now is 2.27 a.m., the boring me decide to write an entry which i promised to write~ Lol.. just now had KFC for dinner. I shdn't have taken KFC for dinner, it is bad for my throat and i have had cough for the past weeks. But i really cant think of any other food to eat. Eating alone is so boring~ I think the hardest decision to make is to decide wat to eat. I believe the best way to diet is to stay alone and eat alone. Most of the time, you wun feel like going out to buy food. Everyday eat the same kind of food made you sick of them.

Going to senior camp on 28th and 29th of June. It is a camp to prepare the senior attached for the FOC, freshman orientation camp. Never attend this kind of thingy before in Uni. Quite excited about it, but yet abit sianz about it, mixed feeling~ lolz.. old le old le, prefer to rot at home and enjoy the day.

My day

2005-06-06T10:37:00.000-07:00

Finally i am not going out late today. Just come back from Kallang. Having a little chat with zh, ed and jh. Ha.. the last few days of gathering before they went into camp and stay there for 2 weeks. Already been out with them quite often nowadays.

Yesterday went out with Pear, hmM.. quite a fun nite. Going to places like Katong, to eat katong Laksa, den Mel's place to have some drinks and East Coast. Chat quite alot with her. From realtionship to the crappy stuff. ha.. really crappy stuff and my lame jokes. Seeing pple quite sad always made me feel very uncomfortable. Especially the person that is important to you. Anyway, hope my accompany or my lame joke do made pple happy.

Today was a tiring day. Went for tuition in the morning. Den Mac come over to my hse to play game. Visit my relative at nite, bringing them to Orchard and clarke quay to have some drinks. Follow by tat was a gatering with JH, ZH, ED. TIring though, but i will still play game. Think i am addicted to games, to FT that made cause my result to be like that. I must stop playing FT or at least have some control.

Sometime it is really hard to say to pple how you feel. Especially for pple like me. I am a weird person. I can be very courages in saying things that i feel is good for the person but not things that is from the bottom of my heart. As in how much i care about you, how much i love a perosn or how important the person to me, how much i feel lk protect one. Perhaps that is because of the up bringing. Been living alone for so many years, you can say i am independent, or at least i think i am, but i am also very defensive. I feel that i will become a very dependent person in the future. Human beings are like that. It is hard to determine whether one is independent or depedent. Some pple seems to be independent physically, but mentally they require alot of support and a depends alot on others. While some may seem to be a mummy boy but yet have a strong mental independence. Think i must learn to be more mentally independent. Learn to speak without laughing!

Last day of work + First day of fun

2005-06-01T21:26:00.000-07:00

Haha.. Today work is so relax! Finished my tutoring (the new permanet stuff) she steal my rice bow! But i am happy cuz today is also my last day of work. Last day of boredom! Last day of waking up early in the morning! Not only that, today is the first day that i am going to have "real" fun. Knowing that you can play with full force is just so SHIOK! lol.. i am also having the last day of the chalet today, think today is going to be a real fun as lotsa of pple is coming.

Have been writing the blog about works. It is also the time to write about other stuffs. Ha, but what can i write about? My life is so dull. Play game, eat, slp. So bore~ Think life will be even bore with zh, ed, jh go into army. Haiz... sianz....

K.. dun write about discouraging stuff.. Think of more the good one. OH ya, We played risk yesterday night! It was so fun, altot i was beaten up miserably. All becuz oF JOE and MAC!! WHY ATTACK ME where YOU MISSION is ......!!!! lol... End up is one of the weakest player like ed win. Lol... risk just lk life is so unpredictable.

This weekend going to meet up with robin and shuzhen. Robin for dinner.. and Shuzhen to celebrate her bday. She have her bday celebration party at lake side.. it is so far? feel lk i am going back to school. But... no matter what, i still have to go... Zhen if u read this, u know how much face i have given you. Haz.. treat me better! hahaz.

2nd Entry

2005-05-31T00:22:00.000-07:00

Work today is not as free as i thought, was rather busy just now. However, i am free again. Why work just come in a sudden? Comes as a wave, and suffocated us, retreat as a wave and leaves us empty? I think that's how the world works?

Thought of writing a chinese entry to avoid waiyue comment on my grammar. But after trying to write a paragraph, i give up! It took me about 15 to 20 mins for one paragraph.. It is so hard to type in Chinese. I shall only do it when i am jobless and the day is coming soon. Yesterday just ask my boss and she say most probably this will be my last week of work OMG i'm going to be broke again. LOLZ.. when can i save enough money for the tour to europe! Think i am going to look for my job hunting mate again.. WeiZhen!! where are you? he is in nS... ha.. lets find another one.

Something is wrong with me this week. Commit a few stupid mistakes. I wanted to line up for bus (at interchange), and i thought i am lining up, only when the guy infront turn back den i realise i am queuing outside the line! wtf... i so paiseh.. den act as i waiting for other buses.. hahaz... Think use too much computer has made me less focus. ha.. dun u all find staring at computer for too long made you blur? OMG... i just make an error again ( writing blog while doing my work) I really check the work before i pass .. but why? Why are there still error? I think i am getting more blur...

Work ending soo.. Yeah! and i am going for chalet.. meeting jiahao and lang soon... Bye byez..